Sharon Olds Sex Without Love Critical Analysis
The first stanza reads “How do they do it, the ones who make love without love?”
It’s almost taboo to her, she can’t seem to wrap her head around it. Her wording indicates her disapproval. Yet she is in astonishment. She sounds in utter disbelief repulsed and appalled even. After all, as humans we are emotional beings after such an intense sexual moment it is natural to feel a sort of attachment to your partner. However, this is not the case in recent times. People are now pre-occupied solely with their own desires.
She cherishes sex and acknowledges its power. Sex can be both invigorating and empowering. Beneficial but on the contrary the exact opposite.
It seems to be that the speaker’s tone throughout this poem is one of reflecting on
Sex was formerly associated with “love”. Where respect, consideration, regard and appreciation once lay has now been replaced with vulgarity, demure, perversion.
The speaker stresses the importance of valuing human relationships. As the bond, we once shared is now becoming obsolete. More specifically within sexual intercourse.
Some people use sex as a means of filling a void. They use promises of sex in order to lure people into spending time with them. Except this is short-lived.
Just as in with drug use, chasing the high, ultimately the desired effect is only felt temporarily. Once the act is complete you’re left feeling just as empty as before you engaged in it. Then you’re back to seeking the feeling again. Dependency and addiction a never-ending cycle. Perhaps the sex is being used as a distraction to mask some unresolved issues.
People are becoming self-centered. Values and morals no longer intact. Only concerned with themselves. Originally the act of sex itself was designed to result in conception. Now it is done simply for fulfillment.
They only move in “unison” for the sake of reaching the same goal, the climax. To be sexually gratified through orgasm. Lusting, only physical attraction, no actual spiritual connection.
There’s the ironic disconnect in a moment where you’re actually “connected” physically. An exchanging of souls and energy.
“fingers hooked inside each other’s bodies” This line places great emphasis on the act bringing you together as one. In the speaker’s eyes sex is serious, special and sacred.
As a woman, we literally receive the man. While he is inside us our bodies serve as vessels he is our counterpart. If you look at our genitalia there are many similarities. A male’s penis resembling an overgrown clitoris and vice versa.
Looked at from a religious standpoint it seems to align well with the speaker’s message.
For instance, the Bible states:
“Sex outside of marriage is a sin against your own body.”- Deuteronomy 23:18
Fornication: sex before marriage is forbidden across several religions. If practiced it is thought to result in pain and suffering.
The speaker speaks with admiration and appreciation of sex yet she still manages to be cautious. She understands that sex is powerful. It can work both ways being rewarding and pleasurable or responsible for your own demise and misfortune.
“A second of pleasure can result in a lifetime of pain.”
Sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancies, bastard children and heartbreak all punishment for going against God’s creation.
“wet as the children at birth whose mothers are going to give them away.”
A mother’s bond with her newborn so precious, sacred and special. Here the speaker is highlighting the significance of a woman’s womb.
Mothers who have decided to give their babies up for adoption once born are reluctant to hold their babies out of fear of reconsidering. Holding their newborn would result in bonding, a relationship. So, in a sense they must be shut off from their emotions, detached to cope with what they have just done. Everything is done quickly to avoid facing the situation. Giving away the prized possession, child in this case. The child raised in your womb. Something to be cherished, guarded with your life is devalued, made cheap. Then giving away your prized possession in reference to sexual intercourse.
Like the persons engaging in the “casual sex” i.e. one night stands. Who after the climax and release they get up and leave. Reluctant to face that person, to face what they have done. The person serves as a reminder of the breaking of that bond. They feel guilt so they run.
One wouldn’t freely give up their baby to a stranger, the fruit of your womb.
Therefore, sex should be had with someone who is deserving of it. Your body, a sacred temple not to be tainted by strangers. Sexual partners should be well thought out and one should have some sort of familiarity with the individual.
Old’s’ asserts the idea to tread carefully with who you decide to let enter your body. There are some beliefs that say a woman’s sexual partners linger on in her body. Their spirits, entities that attach themselves to her, living inside her. So, I can understand why Old’s’ warns against engaging in sex with those who’re undeserving.
“How do they come to the God, come to the still waters, and not love the one who came there with them?” Here the speaker’s tone is of sadness, she empathizes for the love that is never experienced. These people are inexperienced too immature to engage in such an act.
Disapproval The speaker clearly is in total opposition to those who have forgotten the true meaning of sex. Here like in other areas of the poem she condemns them.
The next line goes “light rising slowly as steam off their joined skin?” Another attempt by the speaker to capture the closeness experienced by the two lovers. Steam created by the two bodies, heat formed by the friction Skin touching and rubbing Transfer of not only bodily fluids but each other’s lives, information. Ability to bring life, bear children. Seminal fluid actual life forms, the womb, the uterus the incubator.
Such a passionate moment foolishly overlooked and taken for granted by so many.
“the fit of their shoes, their overall cardiovascular health—just factors, like the partner in the bed…
Although the two are engaged in this encounter they are oblivious to the many details about the other. People in a relationship know their partners likes, dislikes, overall health, clothing and shoe sizes etc. Here she’s once again trying to show the ironic disconnect between the two even though they’re in a situation where they’re actually “connected”.
Just factors as in these things don’t seem to matter to them. They’re mere strangers, but that’s okay for them both.
The speaker then goes on to say:
“and not the truth, which is the single body alone in the universe against its own time.”
The truth is that once the sexual encounter is over the partner serves no purpose. They’re disposable. Only meaningful for one thing, sex. In a sense, they’re being abused and doing the abusing. They make sex of a predatory nature, seeking prey. Wishing to dominate and fulfill that desire.
The orgasm was the only reason for them working together. The irony is that they were together yet separate. Only together for the sake of achieving the same goal- climax. But separately. It is not harmonious or synchronized. Physically attraction and lust is what lured them in, not love. They’re in love with the result, the feeling they’re getting from the other. In reality as shown above they’re clueless about one another.
“Gliding over each other like ice skaters over the ice.” In this line the speaker described sex with these people as being very emotionless. Ice being cold, gliding meaning they’re missing each other, avoiding each other, bypassing one another.
Old’s poem highlights the nature of today’s society as having become narcissistic. People are pre-occupied with temporary satisfaction. But this temporary satisfaction leaves them like substance abusers, fiends constantly searching for that fulfillment. In actuality they’re never fulfilled. Their judgement is clouded, things they once held dear are now disregarded.
