Trapped

I had yet another nightmare in which while i was trusting someone speaking to them about my situation.when i least expected it i started slowly discovering chains and shackles on my body. It started unexpectedly below around my ankles.

Someone came and put seat-belts on me but i was distracted by the person i was confiding in. So the conversation was used as distraction. I was so preoccupied that i didn't realize i was being trapped. So it started with shackled on my feet and straps seat-belts then the seat-belts started getting tighter and more began to be put on my body wrapping me up tightly so i was restricted in my movements.

I still was holding the conversation. The chains were being put on m so quickly from behind i couldn't see who was doing in. All i could see was hands and fingertips. It was as if she was a mastermind with the ability to stretch her arms or she had forces working with her that was doing it for her.

But i only caught quick glances. The hands worked in unison like an assembly line. One would put a strap then another then it was buckled all in the blink of an eye. Before i knew it i was looking at the person i was talking o then realized i couldn't move and was in a straighten jacket like device. But it was too late. My chair became wheelchair like. And i became dependent and defenseless perhaps trapped by my own words.

Guardian in Disguise

I had a dream of my grandmother. My late grandmother. She was up close to me. I was at a store. In the aisle. And she was with her back turned, she was seeming like she was looking for something. Like she was hiding her identity from me. But being in that store i couldn't help but feel as if i had known her. I stared intrigued by her beauty. She looked so much like me. Her brown skin, her pulled back hair. I looked at her,then i got close.

I knew her.she saw that i had spotted her.her identity was revealed. I know you i thought, it's you! She turned at me. I looked at her face for long. She stood up tall, her right eye was non existent, like she had been blinded. It reminded me of when she had been buried. Maybe thats how her eyes had lost color, from being deceased. It was eerie. Yet i didn't fear death. She was in front of me, dead yet alive in spirit. Not too gory. But, everything else was beautiful but her eye was gone. She looked fatigued, stressed.

 looked up at her,she towered over me, she had a free flowing garment on white, almost angelic. I looked at her she looked at me in silence. Her face looked worn, like she was grieving for me. In pain with my pain, from seeing me in pain. I knew she had been watching my struggle, but it had not gone unnoticed. I got close, she spoke for the first time in years. I love you. I just kept hugging her, trying to feel her flesh. Confused because although she was passed i could feel her body. Smell her aroma, feel her warm skin. Like she had never left earth.

Her face on mine, was comforting. I was so anxious. I just kept hugging her,some parts of her felt like an illusion. I knew she was dead but i was trying desperately to grasp what little i could. I cherished the moment. To have her back in front of me in human form. She told me im proud of you. Yet she still had a stern look as if she was warning me of something. But she still showed me that she still cared. Her hair had become undone she seemed almost to levitate. Like she had retrieved her body and filled it with her soul just to appear to me decently. It was amazing.

Elephant man

Every time i try to sleep I'm bombarded with images from my past. Just now i saw i was on a plane but the plane aisles started extending so long. Just now I had another vivid dream. I dreamt that i was at gamestop and I crept up behind the counter. Then i saw a deformed man in front of me who has what seemed like elephantitis mimicking symptoms. His mouth stretched out and tripled even quadrupled in size. Swelling, bumps and ridges on his face. So vivid peeling skin tumors growths and yet. Part of me loved him.

He was ashamed he tried to place a bag over his head to cover. I took it off I said no baby you're drawing more attention. I accept you. He was so calm, i felt his beauty even through his condition. I was supportive every step of the way. weirdly enough while looking at him i saw behind the deformities. I saw beauty. Maybe this signifies my maturity to overlook whats on the surface. For love. I feel like I no longer have a preference, just the desire to be loved. Even if that means being able to look past physical flaws and love and appreciate what's within.

Doppelganger, resemblance

Today while I was looking at my reflection on my phone. I noticed something. Something eerie. It startled me. I saw my younger self inside of my current self. I looked at my face and saw the little me. The seven year old me the five year old me. Staring back at me. She's still inside me, little me. I saw her. Staring right at me. Sometimes I feel like I'm living as two. Then I drifted off into sleep. I was on stage back at my elementary school. In the auditorium. I entered the stage from the side stairs. I saw the mahogany glow of the wood, shiny, so familiar. As i walked on stage curtains red, resembling felt material. I jolted up.

I was reliving my childhood. It felt so real. I visited unresolved issues. Then grew overwhelmed by its authenticity's its familiarity and awakened. Lately
Little me has been trying to come out. She was boxed in,caged in for so long. I thought she had went away. I thought she has grown up into me and morphed as one. Yet,she keeps trying to communicate to me. I feel like I'm someone else who took over and trapped little me. I feel like two. Like i possessed the body of the real her. It's a surreal feeling. But, lately I've been letting her express herself. I just want her to be happy.

I let her live now instead of forgetting about her and stifling her.limiting her, i let her love. Hopefully we can become one.,because living two lives has proven difficult. Who am i? Am i someone who's taken over trying to assume the identity of her? Or is she me? Questions i ask every day. I see her staring at me. We share eyes, we share mouths were together yet so apart. She's inside of me. Never gotten a chance to properly grow. I nurture her now. Trying to connect with my inner child. Everyday I'm bombarded with her memories. Are they mine? Or is it her way of reliving her life. I feel like she died and I'm forced to live with her trapped inside me. I try to forget her but she is assertive. She wants me to remember. I am her? She is me? We are one? Finally.